Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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