Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
