he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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