the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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