my phone needs a breathalizer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
