So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to fling myself into the sun
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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