i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
