Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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