I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
