Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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