I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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