Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
