i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
