My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
BRING THE BAGELS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize