Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
