I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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