Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
