i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
