I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
