you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
