are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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