eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
