Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
