You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize