I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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