miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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