ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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