Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
