Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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