so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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