This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize