The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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