Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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