my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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