The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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