Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
