There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
