P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
