Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize