I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize