We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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