it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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