Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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