When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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