I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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