He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
