I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
