im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
