you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
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This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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