Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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