You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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