Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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