apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
