Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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