i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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