We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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