Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
