I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
