I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
