Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
