dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
