my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
