I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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