Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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