i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize