Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
